Sunday, 7 December 2008

The steady receding

VERSE
A
I am receding, it’s time that I came clean
D
I’ve been brushing it forward
E
So I know you haven’t seen

But I’m receding, I’ve tried to work out why
I’m barely in my thirties
I’m much too young to die

I am receding, I’ve every right to whine
People pretend to be courteous
Even Jasmine says it’s fine, I know she’s lying

MIDDLE
E A
I try to put on a brave face to show I don’t care
E A
My life, my fortune, for a full head of hair
Bm
I hold my head up high
F#m
I stay out of the light
E
I only go out at night

VERSE
I am receding, you might say I am depressed
Takes me two hours to get outta bed in the morning
Let alone get dressed

I am receding, it’s really getting worse
I check it every time I piss
To see if it’s reversed

But I’m receding, I’m all out of ideas
I’ve tried looking up on the internet
But all that does is fuel my fears, I’m worried sick

MIDDLE
Where do I go from here?
My options are wearing thin
Do I cut it short?
Or keep combing it forward
Or grow it long while I can!

VERSE
But I’m receding, my life is at an end
First you looks your hair you know
Then you lose your friends

I am receding, now I notice it in others
It’s like an epidemic
At least I have my brothers

We’re receding, let’s go bald together
We’ll form a political party
And then ban hair forever, we can change the world!

Saturday, 22 November 2008

Work eat shit sleep

VERSE
E C#m
Got to get a fast car, and a fancy TV
Need a bigger screen, than anyone I know
Got to find love, it’s time to settle down now
Find the right girl, prettiest I know
Got to get a job, got to earn money
Her tastes expensive, more than anyone I know

CHORUS
Anyone got a job, better than my job?
Anyone got a girl, prettier than my girl?
Anyone got a life, livelier than my life?
Anyone got a home, homlier than mine?

VERSE
Got to be gettin’ up early, goinna be a busy day
Got to be the first in, kill or be killed
Need to get a headstart, if I want promotion
Can’t be showing weakness or any sign of emotion

CHORUS
Anyone got a job, better than my job?
Anyone got a love, lovelier than mine?
Anyone got a low, lonely than my low?
Anyone got a life, livelier than mine?

Sunday, 28 September 2008

Soul seller

Soul seller
By Jack Stafford

VERSE 1
F
Everyone was so friendly
They put it very nice
And they know that you’re selling
Before you name the price

CHORUS
Bf
I sold my soul somehow
I sold my soul somehow today

VERSE 2
It was too much to turn down
But not enough to flee
Somebody’s going to get rich
It might as well be me

CHORUS

VERSE 3
I was thinking of the future
Of my unborn kids
How will I provide for them?
So this is what I did

CHORUS

VERSE 4
It all happened so innocently
The devil is your friend
And before I had to think about it
The money was in my hand

CHORUS

MIDDLE
C
The good times
Bf
And the memories
F
Both fade

Tarnished
By the knowledge
Of how they were paid

Cos at the end
All I have left
Is my pride

VERSE 5
It only took an instant
Nobody got hurt
But a little piece of me died
When I said those words

CHORUS

VERSE 6
I’ll tell you your first regret
As you’re walking out the door
It’s not if you should have done it
It’s that I should have asked for more

CHORUS

VERSE 7
I want to keep it quiet
But word will get around
Then just when I least expect it
I’ll hear that awful sound

CHORUS

VERSE 8
By saying it’s that one time
I keep my conscience clear
But the money’s almost gone
And I know they’ll be next year

CHORUS

Bad for good

VERSE 1
D
They say that clever men borrow, but geniuses to steal
Feel, fob and fawn to get closer to real
G
There ain’t nobody up there keeping the score
I tried originality but it’s been done before
A
You see the best boats are built from the oldest wood
And you gotta be bad to get this good

VERSE 2
So now you know I’m not proud to say I imitate
But by the time I get to fashions I was much too late

But it all goes in circles and I was paying with my crimes
Cos I was so far behind I was ahead of the times

Tell us how you did it, oh I would if I could
Just you gotta be bad to get this good

MIDDLE
G
Because such bad impersonator’s an original
A
Honestly underhand
G
If you copy badly enough what you know was done well
A
Nobody can tell

VERSE 3
Everybody you admire they all did the same
You gotta learn to ride before you get to drive the train

When you got the armour and the tools of the trade
And you learnt with the headstart your forefathers gave

Then you get to move the flag a foot from where it stood
But you gotta be bad before you get good

VERSE 4
I met a girl in Rino with a heart of gold
When the angel’s made her they took to breaking the mould

She gave up her home and through in her job
To come and cook and clean for a certified slob

Beauty for the beast did all she good
Yeah you gotta be bad to get such good

OUTRO
You ga-ah-ah-ah-ah-atta be bad
To get this good

Thursday, 18 September 2008

The end of the farce

VERSE
C                    Am             F           C
It's panic in the papers and cries of surprise
                  Am               F         C
As another bank just got nationalised

They’re talking up turmoil and social unrest
As the free market fails yet another test

They’re preying on each other, all down the line
It could be the biggest thing since 1929
G

CHORUS
                               C              Am
We hoped it was the end of the farce
         G
That party was never going to last

We hoped it was the end of the farce
But that was just too much to ask

We hoped it was the end of the farce
But it seems that the moment has passed

VERSE 2
After years of credit and decades of debt
Common sense wasn't hard to forget

We are all guilty of going in the rush
For buying everything and never having enough

The force-fed fallacy, that greed is good
Got given the attention that a bad boy never should

CHORUS

MIDDLE
C      Em
Oh guardians
Am
Save us from ourselves

Simple people
We will hurt ourselves

VERSE 3
Those we thought in charge turned out far too lax
The can redeem though with a transaction tax

Return the regulation and end the careers
Of glorified gamblers with derivative ideas

We're faced with few roads but many more signs
And to take none of them would be the greatest crime

CHORUS

Sunday, 7 September 2008

Mrs Palin's manifesto

INTRO
Dm F Dm
For God and guns, against gays and abortion

VERSE
Dm
Forget about war and the economy
Only god can set you free
F C
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

The bible’s every book you need
And I’ll control what else you read
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

I know the good lord’s got a plan
And he’s doing everything he can
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

I see our country how it’s cursed
Cos they don’t put Jesus first
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

CHORUS
F Dm
Vote for me and I’ll give you what you want
F Dm
Vote for me I’ll fight right on every front
Dm F Dm
For God and guns, against gays and abortion

VERSE
I’ll take the values of our town
And make the whole world settle down
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

I’ll make all our futures better
Pursuing personal vendettas
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

And halt the influence of thugs
By giving life for selling drugs
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

I’ll show you the power of a woman
Can’t you see what I’m becoming?
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

CHORUS

MIDDLE
I’ll end the moral slide of our nation
By stopping all sex education
I’ll give every unborn child a voice
By ending would be mother’s choice
I’ll shield our older children from pain
By making every one abstain
While the marriages of gays
I’ll make that problem go away

VERSE
I’ll work on national security
By sending our boys overseas
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

I’ll protect your right to protect your home
And insulate from the unknown
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

So join me and Mr. McCain
On our tireless campaign
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

To make the world a better place
For the best of our Arian race
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

CHORUS

The light before

D A G D

VERSE
D
Nothing’s how you want it to be
A
It’s all going wrong with the economy
G A
It’s a dire state, and you can’t pass the blame

Every move to strengthen your position
Plays into the hands of the opposition
You’ve dropped the ball and might soon be out the game

CHORUS
D G
But just when you think things are never going to improve
D G
And you’ll never get back into the popular groove
A
Remember that
Em
It’s always darkest
A D
Just before it goes totally black
D D D D A G D

VERSE
You might think you’re somehow cursed
This is not how you rehearsed it
Over and over while you served out your time











The title that was decidedly yours
You had to wrestle from histories jaws
But the awaited reign’s becoming a perfect storm

CHORUS
And as you’re thinking they’ll never see the light
Of how you alone can make it right
Remember that
It’s always darkest
Just before it goes totally black

INSTRUMENTAL

VERSE
It’s hard to know where you should begin
You can’t even turn to spin
Your predecessor spun outta control

You’re looking around for new ideas
Trying to tackle the public’s fears
But you’re firefighting’s only fanning the flames

CHORUS
But just as you’re about to give up hope
And you feel that all the slack’s come out of the rope
Remember that
It’s always darkest
Just before it goes totally black

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

The night the world changed

A song inspired by James Lovelock's "The Revenge of Gaia". There must have been a time when CO2 levels reached the tipping point and Gea began her shift to the higher operating temperature described in the book.

VERSE 1
Dm Dsus
The night the world changed
Dm Dsus
It was a warm in mid-July
F
The factories had been working overtime
To meet the rising demand
C
An ever bigger fire
Am
To feed people’s desires

VERSE 2
When the world changed
For her it was no surprise
For too long they’d been burning
The balance had been turning
But the point at which they’d learn
Was past the point of no return

VERSE 3
When the world changed
She did it with a sigh
For all that she’d created
Would have to start again
All because of them
And the ambitions of men

INSTRUMENTAL

VERSE 4
When the world changed
She knew they’d take it on
Not accept the changes
And try to intervene
Then when they see the cost
Would they realize what they’d lost

VERSE 5
When the world changed
Forever in a day
To bring the balance back
And counter the attack
She wondered if she should
But it was for the greater good

VERSE 6
The night the world changed
She didn’t sleep at all
She wondered if she should wait
Because there was no way to reverse
But things were getting too hot
And man was never gonna stop

OUTRO
Am
The night the world changed
C
Ahhhhhh
Am
The night the world changed
C
Ahhhhhh
Am
The night the world changed
C
Ahhhhhh

Friday, 21 March 2008

Thursday, 20 March 2008

My idol's not a paedophile

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INTRO:

G D/F# Em7 Am C

Not such a long time ago, I can still remember how that

Em D

music used to make me smile.

G D/F# Em7 Am C

And I knew if I had my chance that I could make those people dance

Em C D

And maybe they'd be happy for a while.

Em Am Em Am

But January made me shiver, with every paper I saw delivered.

C G/B Am C D

Bad news on the doorstep, I couldn't take one more step.

G D/F# Em Am7 D

I can't remember if I cried when I saw him by a child’s side,

G D/F# Em C D7 G C G

Something touched me deep inside, the day, the music, died.

CHORUS:

G D C

They say my idol is a paedophile

G D C

And now my idol’s got a police file

VERSE:

Em C D G

He didn’t mean to cause a big sensation

Downloading pictures of a younger generation

The things he did look awful cold

Maybe should a died before he got old

BRIDGE:

Am C

Oh no, say it ain’t so,

D D

I don’t believe…

CHORUS

VERSE:

Like pinball wizard it has to be a fix.

Wrote wizard with such a supple wrist……….

BRIDGE

CHORUS

OUTRO:

A D

The kids are alright x3

Happy New Year

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A# F D# F

31st December 2003

A# F D# F

I promised mum a quiet one at home with the family

A# F D# F

But that is really not the way I want to end the year

D# F D#

Get me out of here



Head out to the nightclub and I’m drinking like a fish

Tequila shots and chasers, on a mission to be sick

All this night’s investment is about to reappear

Get me out of here



I make a b-line for the bathroom and the toilet breaks my fall

Barely into consciousness someone people are coming in the stall

A leather-coated bearded guy asks I’m feeling queer

Get me out of here



I crawl back on the dance floor and I’m laying down my moves

I’m getting the eye from a cutie-pie, I can she wants to grove

She curls her hair, sips my beer and whispers in my ear

“Let’s get out of here”



We finally find a taxi and he asks us where to go

But just then a gorilla guy smashing through the window

She says “that my boyfriend he’s an SAS engineer”

f**king get us out of here



We head on back to her place ‘cause she swears she lives alone

But I’ve barely got to first base when her father arrives home

I nearly made it out the backdoor but I fell over her school gear

Get me out of here



How on earth did I end up here?

I’m just not thinking clear

I only want a Happy New Year

A friend indeed

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Careful what you wish for

Download

INTRO: C Am7 Dm G



VERSE 1 (plucked):

C

Strumming alone in his room

Am7

A songwriter sings out a tune

Dm G

A minor melancholy melody



He sings of a love that was his

And moans of how lonely he is

A sad and depressing song



Practised and now he’s on stage

Feels like he’s coming of age

The crowd all disagree but what do they know



CHORUS 1:

Em Am

Can you imagine how he feels?

Em Am

At the news of his first record deal

F G F G G G G C

Something in his eye, I think he’s going to cry



VERSE:

Recorded and now he’s on tour

Like his idols before

Spreading his sadness wide, there’s nowhere we can hide



But things are already going astray

He’s becoming a rock n roll cliché

Indulged he’s sadder ten fold, to fit the mould



CHORUS:

There’s daily coverage of his life going bad

They’ve even got an interview with his dad, He says

“Way to go son, I knew you’d be the one

I’m so proud, I think I’m going to cry”



VERSE:

Checked into a cheap motel

He turns it into his own private hell

Lying there with a needle in his arm, he needs to keep him calm



CHORUS 3:

Wishes he was back in his room

Fame came way too soon

Lonely feeling bad, but happy to be sad

Careful what you wish for, it might come true

Every moment matters

Download

Key: D#m
Guitar notes: Capo at 4th fret

INTRO: D#m F#m D#m F#m B

VERSE 1:
D#m A E
Living lives lived before
G#m
Holding down a job and nothing more
D#m &nb sp; A ; E
Driven from craft by the need to create
G#m &nb sp; &nb sp; B
But in the end it’s all to late

BRIDGE:
D# &nbs p; E ; G#m
Eroding away, counting the days
F# &nbs p; &nbs p; E
Towards the bright light, hold on tight now!

CHORUS:
E
We don’t have much time to live
B
Every moment matters
E
Give all you’ve got to give
B
Make every second count now

VERSE 2:
Don’t waste your life changing my mind
Just try and change the world in little
But none of it matters in the end
I’ll go down laughing I can pretend

BRIDGE

CHORUS

SOLO (same as intro)

BRIDGE

CHORUS

OUTRO (same chords as verse)

Wednesday, 19 March 2008

Dinner court

Download

VERSE
All-knowing girl, sad and dissatisfied
Angry at all, throws out in vain

Knows enough to know, but not to realise
Worldly words don’t a traveller make

CHORUS
Say that you can – Where you gonna go?
Say that you can't – What you gonna do?

VERSE:
Turns to the table, no eyes offer sympathy
Mirrors seen selective scenes

What’s for desert? What must they think of me?
All-knowing girl, blows on her flame

CHORUS x2

The thin veil or distraction

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VERSE
C ; G F ; C
Sometimes, I feel things slowing down
C ; G
I know that I'm in trouble when I have time to look around

C ; Am F ; C
I need the veil of variety and change
C G
To hide the realization that drives all of us insane

BRIDGE
Am
Depression is a lack
Em
Of adequate distractions
Dm G
Send it up or leave town

CHORUS
C Em
To get away, is the only way
F G
I know to get it back
C Em
Ruining every day, in a new way
F C
I know will get it back

VERSE
Now and then I stop to compare the two
If I had to start from there again I don't think I'd make it through

I've tried the dice, the stars and the market
But in the end it all becomes routine

BRIDGE
The meaning of life is to give life meaning
"Do what you like a lot"

CHORUS

SOLO Em Am Fm G x2

MIDDLE
C
So get up get out of bed
Am Em Am Em
You head is only reeling from staring at the ceiling
F ; G
You need a change of scene

Just get up get out of bed
Your body's only aching from the lack of strain it's taking
You need to get back on your feet

CHORUS

Strange times

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VERSE
D ; A
There are people with funny ideas
G ; ; A
And they're growing in number each year

They're building bombs and they're arming themselves
They want rearrange the rubble that makes up this place

It's getting harder to know what to think
There are multiple sides and history lies

It seems it's getting worse all the time
I for one feel like they're losing our precious minds

CHORUS
D ; G
These are strange times we're living in
Bm &nbs p; A
Stranger all the time
D ; Bm
These are strange times we're living in
G ; A
Stranger all the time

VERSE
There's a weird girl that lives upstairs
She's got clothes you can see through and a facial tattoo

For hours I hear her crying in the shower
She says that she hears voices that won't leave her alone

On the upside she's quiet and clean
But I'll be much more inquisitive with the next ones I screen

It seems she's getting weirder all the time
I for one feel like she's losing her precious mind

CHORUS

The obituary of Will Perrin

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VERSE
Dm C
I found him in the paper
Dm
Among the stories of the dead
Am
Marked out from the others
Dm
By the tender of his age

Made his name as a climber
Travelled across the world
But didn’t find his place there
And went looking somewhere else

BRIDGE
F C
If someone who climbed as high as him
A# C
Saw no future from up there, how will I fair

CHORUS
F C A#
This one goes out to the young men that have gone
F C A#
This one goes out to the young men that have gone
C A# F
And the forgotten souls that carried on
F C A#

VERSE 2
As he climbed into his 20s
The mountains weren’t enough
His path led to India
Among less fortunate

There he found no answers
Or the reason for it all
Friends grew anxious for him
AS they saw him walk

BRIDGE + CHORUS

MIDDLE
F
Think how many of these travellers
C
The papers never write
Gm
Lying on the cold road sides
C
Thinking they’re all alone

I want to tell them and make ‘em see
That it gets easier
They’re just the deep down blues we all go through
And there is another side

CHORUS

Mama, don't leave me in the classroom

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VERSE
G D
I'm so unhappy almost clinically depressed
C D
At the thought of going to school
G Em
I can't communicate with anyone there
C D
To send me would be criminally cruel

CHORUS
Em G
Mama, don't leave me in the classroom
Em D
Oh, oh, oh Mama, don't leave me alone

VERSE
None of the other kids understand me
They just think I'm weird
They laugh at my jumper and pull my beard
And say that I smell of coffee

CHORUS
Mama, don't leave me in the classroom
No, no, no Mama, don't leave me alone

MIDDLE
G C D
My haircut isn't cool, and I blame you
My clothes were made by you, and that's not cool
I don't know how to fight, and I blame you
I can't talk to girls, and I blame you

CHORUS
Mama, don't leave me in the classroom
Pleeeeeease Mama, don't leave me alone

VERSE
When I grow up I want to live on an island
And fend for myself
I'll swing through the trees only covered in leaves
An forget that thing called homework

CHORUS
Mama, don't leave me in the classroom
You don't love me Mama, if you leave me in the classroom
I'm not to proud to beg, Mama, don't leave me in the classroom
No no no no no no no, Mama, don't leave me alone

CHORUS
Mama, don't leave me in the classroom
Don't be a bitch, Mama, don't leave me alone

Where did all the money go?

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INTRO
G
When I'm old and pastry grey
C
And on my last bed limply lay
D
They'll gather round to catch the last words
that I breathe

After all those years and things I've seen
Countless people and places been
The wisdom words must surely be worth the wait

Em
But I fear that I will disappoint
C
And not take that last chance to anoint
C
For it's not an answer but a question that I'll pose

That immortal question that's been asked through time
By wiser men with better heads than mine
The final question that every man asks himself

CHORUS
G
Where did all the money go?
C D
I've got to know

I must have left it somewhere
I could never have spent that much

VERSE
Em
Damn the heating bills
G
And the rate of inflation
Em
The insurance that I never used

G
And those silly vacations

BRIDGE
C D
I'll hang my head in shame
C D
Cause I've only got myself to blame

CHORUS

VERSE
If only I'd made less phone calls
And never gone a near a bar
Or made my own sandwiches
And not have bought a car

BRIDGE
If I'd put away a bit of my pay
I'd be sitting on a fortune today

CHORUS

Instrumental Chorus

MIDDLE
Am D
It's terrible when you realise
C Em
The sad part is
C D
How little happiness it bought me
Am C D
And how little there is left to show

Am C
Half of it I ate and drank
Am Em
Spent a quarter just getting around
C D
The rest of it went up in smoke
Am C ; D
Fast moving consumer guy

CHORUS
Where did all the money go?
I wish I didn't know
Someone must be stealing from me
Or there's a problem with the books

CHORUS
Where did all the money go?
All that dough
I must have left it somewhere
I could never have spent that much

All that is mine is thine

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VERSE
Bm G
Such beauty as before me
Bm
Want not for a thing
G
No toil of a working life
Bm
Should hagger thy shape

No dirt should ever take thy shine
Or roughen thou skin
No breathe should go to waste
Or dark hair escape

[Space]

If thou art ever hungry love
Into my flesh bite
Wow betide thirst becomes you
Drain this arm

I want what I still have
With all my might
Querido
Querida

CHORUS:
D A G
All that is mine is thine
D A G
All that is mine is thine

VERSE
What little knowledge I know
Thou must use
All muscles in this sinewed frame
Call and command

The objects in my humble trove
Come and choose
My days are devoted
To thy demands

CHORUS

MIDDLE
Dm
For you I give my throne
Am
All that I own
Em
Gladly

That thee might share my glory
Later recount my story
Fondly

For you I give it gladly
My heart requests it madly
My love

Might heart I hear bestowest
That it will be loved and growest
On and on

MIDDLE x2 (instrumental)

VERSE (instrumental)

VERSE (quiet/mutted)
If a puddle dare to bar you dear
I lay down with glee
Chance snot becomes a burden then
Take my sleeve

When thou feel’st cold or chill
Set upon fire me
If t’s a bore that I should turn into
Take my leave

CHORUS (quiet/mutted)

CHORUS x2

Cultural isolation in the information age

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INTRO
Em G
I got up early this morning
Em G
To get a head start on my routine
Em
Imagine my surprise
G
When I turned on to find
C D
There was nothing to tune in

CHORUS
G
It's 30 degrees
D
But there's snow on TV
C G
I should go back to bed

It's the cable again
I bet it's the mice
I'll put down more glue
And get a sonic device

VERSE
How will I know who runs the country?
How will I know who to blame?
How will I learn the migration routes of mid-Atlantic songbirds?
Or the mating habits of Americans?

CHORUS

VERSE
Em G
What will I do now for entertainment?
Em G
It feels like the death of a friend
Em G
But now I think about it, I don't really care
Em D
I only watch it 'cause it's there

CHORUS
There's nowt on TV
Literally
I should go back to bed

MIDDLE
D G
Magazines are meant for the toilet
D Em
Books are best in bed
D G
But what to do for the rest of the day
Em D
This much time with myself will drive us both crazy

CHORUS

CHORUS
There's nowt on TV
Literally
Thank God for the DVD

Vanessa and Sebastian

Download

Capo 3rd

INTRO
C Am
We must set aside a little time
Em G
To step outside our weary grind
C Am Em
And the self-obsessive world we call our day

If you think that I take for granted
Being so luckily enchanted
Please bring me back to heaven with a bang

VERSE
(shuffle comes in/drums with brushes)
C C/G
Tie me to the bed for days
C C/G
Til I see the error of my ways
Am Em
I know that I’ve been naughty

Please make sure the blindfold’s tied
Then ride me like a fairground ride
Let’s do the rollercoaster
I’m get closer

CHORUS
F
And I perspire with desire
C
As your eyes burn with fire
G
When you’re angry
G2
When you’re angry

And your jaw is defined
As you make your teeth grind
When you’re angry
When you’re angry

And your voice changes tone
As you enter the zone
When you’re angry
When you’re angry

BRIDGE
Dm C G
Our love is a beautiful thing

VERSE x2 instrumental

VERSE
And if you feel my standards slip
Then don’t go easy on the whip
My broad back can take it

Please put on my favourite mask
As you go about your merry tasks
And don’t forget the camera

Click those handcuffs extra tight
Until I learn to get it right
Going to pains for pleasure
Let’s go together

CHORUS

BRIDGE

OUTRO
C Am
Let us set aside a little time
Em G C
To step outside our weary grind

I'm not a rock and roll star

Download

VERSE:
D A D
I'm not a rock and roll star
G A D
I can't sing and barely play guitar
D G A D
I don't smoke pot or get a kick of cocaine
D G A
Heroine's not a habit of mine
D A G
I've got a steady girl and I've never
A
crashed a car
G A D
No I'm not a rock and roll star

VERSE:
I don't want to live on a bus
And be even more tired all the time
I won't do the same songs with the same people every night
In places that all look alike
I don't like flying or to drive very far
No I'm not a rock and roll star

CHORUS (money):
D G
I just want to make enough money
Em A
So I can feed my head in bed all day

S I'd like to be independently wealthy
But I'd just spend it anyway

CHORUS (instrumental)

VERSE:
I don't want to pass clones on the street
I like to eat my dinner in peace
I don't want to be stared at by people I've never met
Or hear what they think of me
I won't feel obligated to sign anything you bring
'Cause I'm not the next big thing

VERSE:
I don't want my haircut analysed
Or my jogging to make the Sun
I don't want to have to answer all your silly questions
The same ones every day
I don't want to be in the NME as a wannabe would-be king
I'm not the next big thing

CHORUS (fame):
I just want to play shows
Where the people came to see me

Sure I'd like a little acclaim
But you can keep your international fame

OUTRO:
G A
To anonymity I cling
G A
Just to write my songs and sing
G A D
That I'm not the next big thing

VERSE:
I don't want to work for the man
I don't want to hear what people want
I won't sell to the poor and give it to the rich
Shareholders are the spawn of Satan
I won't be obsessed by sales, or where the
singles are
'Cause I'm not a rock and roll star

The length of her shower

Download

Ode to the lonely stoner

Download

VERSE
Dm
This song will set the record straight
F
About my kind
C
I'm tired of being criticized
G
For the state of my mind

People mislabel me
And think I'm a crazy stoner guy
But 'cos I smoke all the time
I'm not even high

Being stoned is when
I get my best ideas you know
Yesterday I watched series one of "24"
And ate my weight in Dorritos

It's not an addiction
I could easily stop it
But if I'm not stoned
I see that life is sh*t

CHORUS
C                         Am
Ode to the lonely stoner
G                                       F
I see you clearly in my cloud of smoke

Ode to the lonely stoner
We'll see who laughs hardest last

VERSE
"Give it up it's ruining you"
My girlfriend implores
But dope took nothin' from me
There wasn't anything here before

I've got nothing to offer
That's why I'm outta my head
It's better for society
If I stay in bed

I've thought deeply
What's the best use of my time
And I'm almost the one
On matrix online

I've got big plans
And soon I'm gonna write them down
The first will be to get out
Of this loser town

CHORUS

VERSE
I listen to the campaigners
Saying all drugs are wrong
They should just drop out
In the words of the song

No one on Marijuana
Never started no war
If the soldier boys smoked more
They'd forget what they're fighting for

I study the news sites
I know what's going on
That's why I got my lips
Wrapped round a big ass bong

All this insight
Doesn't come without sacrifice
I don't have any money
Or even a sex life

CHORUS x2

Just a little girl

Download

VERSE
Em C
I was out til four last night
Em C
Hangover is kicking in

Late for work but I do not care
What'll they do? Fire me?

BRIDGE
Em
They don't know, they don't care
D/F#
I forge my timesheets with hours to spare

CHORUS
G
'Cause I'm just a little girl
C
What harm can I do?
Em
I sing myself to sleep at night
D/F#
I'll do what ever the f**k I like

'Cause I'm just a little girl
Take pity on me
The sorry white world of male mankind
Can kiss my sweet tight perty behind

Yes I'm just a little girl
C
And you'll listen to me
D
Like it or not

VERSE 2
I believe that redundancy
Is coming soon, that's why I stay

I do f**k all anyway
Nobody cares, so do they

BRIDGE
My boss is a f**k, he's got no guts
I open my eyes and just look up

CHORUS

MIDDLE
A ; ; C
I'm going through the motions
Em
Of living every day
C
How I would be different
Em
If circumstances changed

Conflicting emotions
Mount up every day
And I know will be different
When circumstances change

CHORUS

The heat

Download MP3

VERSE
This heat is incredible
I’ve never know it like this
I’m starting to hallucinate
Or maybe reminisce

The air is poison
It hurts to breathe
If I had a good way to travel
You know I’d leave

But there’s no escape
Nowhere to hide
Everything’s uncomfortable
I know how it feels to be fried, by

CHORUS
The heat
The heat
The heat
The heat

VERSE
Too hot to be indoors
But it’s murder outside
The casualty list is rising
Even my air conditioner died

Nothings moving
Not even the air
Praying for a thunderstorm
Even a breeze

I’m bored outta my mind
Can’t do a thing
Just drink and sweat
And try to forget

CHORUS x2

Gay OK

Download MP3

VERSE
D
Son it’s time we talked about
A
Your need to come out
E A
Cos it’s already plain to see

It’s a poor attempt to hide
Your feminine side
When you try to walk like our lord John Wayne

And all this vocal gay bashing
Is your insides thrashing
It’s the squeaky wheel that wants to get greased

You’re working on your pecks
To take your mind of sex
You’re pumping iron when you’d rather be pumping ass

CHORUS
D
I’m hear to say boy
E
That it’s all ok
G
Everybody knows your gay

VERSE
You drink herbal tea
And you sit down to pee
Your style screams “I’m living in denial”

You’ve got better skin than your sister
And you’re cleaner than my mother
You’re good at cooking and you know how to bake

You love “Dawson’s Creek”
You’re a “Six Feet Under” freak
You’ve seen Broke Back Mountain 14 times

CHORUS
You don’t need to be Freud
To see the things you’ve enjoyed
Everybody knows your gay

VERSE
Now in this day and age
It ain’t got no reason to be ashamed
Homosexuality’s all the rage

Politicians do it by rule
They’re teaching it in school
In the army it’s compulsory

And with a little vision
You could get yourself in prison
Or shipped off to a penal colony

CHORUS
To clear your mental block
You need a nice bit of cock
Everybody knows your gay

VERSE
If you try it I think you’ll find
That you like it from behind
‘Cmon on everybody likes a little anal

The few times you’ve been to bed
All your talk about is the head
They say that men give the best blowjobs

Oh sure women are nice
If you’re willing to pay the price
But you can’t beat the real thing

CHORUS
So say it out loud
Make your parents proud
Everybody knows your gay

Viva la revolucion

Download MP3

VERSE
C
Magpie in the sky
Am
Why can’t I?
F
Why can’t I?

Window to my soul
Such a little hole
A little hole

Running child never so free
To be so wild
To be a child

All the proof of waste that’s in my house
Evaporate
It’s not too late

CHORUS
C G F
I have waited with the patience of saint
C G F
For my enlightenment
C G F
When will my sun and standards come
C G F
My internal revolution

VERSE
Wild wind from the sea
Blow through me
Right through me

Anger in my heart
Though seas too part
A new start

All the worries that seal my fate
Mediate
Mediate

Gym card in my bag
I’ve been bad
I’ve been had

CHORUS
I’d have made so much with the patient of saints
More than those simple saints
Soon my rage and hunger will come
My internal revolution

The art of conversation

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VERSE
D
It's come to my attention
C G
That you don't have much to say

You do your fair share of talking
But the words get in the way

Why start with the weather?
I've a window and an eye to see

From your glare I need sunglasses
Your splutters feel like rain on me

CHORUS
D G
The art of conversation
Em D/F# C
We'll cast on a critical eye

D G
The art of conversation
Em D/F# G
We'll further its further decline

VERSE
Where are you from? What are you doing here?
Where are you going to?

I made a T-shirt with answers
That wore out before it was due

You're getting your news from FAQs
I've lost the will to pretend

One man's pleasure is another man's pain
All good things must end

CHORUS

VERSE
When I talk you're not listening
Just waiting for your turn to speak

This exchange of information
Is a veil for discussing yourself

It's my fault for not knowing you
Will you fax over your CV?

When I've read it thoroughly
We can discuss you properly

SILENCE

If silence is olden I'm holding
The beautiful, beautiful golden

How do you do?
Fine 'til I met you

Song to Woody

C ; G
I feel like I’m lost miles from home
F ; G
Down a road where no wiser men have gone
C ; G
I’d entered the cinema with hopes running high
F ; G
Pushed by reviews that I now know are lies

Hey, hey Woody Allen I wrote you a song
A protest to arms at the thing that you done
What where you drinking? What on earth were you thinking?
Were you thinking at all?

For two hours we cringed at this thing on the screen
We stifled the yawns, bit back the screams
The script was a sham the acting was hammed
The casting was done by IKEA

Hey hey Woody Allen I beg you to stop
Think of your legacy and the great films ya got
‘Cause if I have another experience like that
I’m go to the bathroom and I ain’t comin back

And when I’m in hell, I can choose my prize
Ten minutes of Match Point or pull out my eyes
I’ll be reaching for the white-hot tongs

Hey, hey Woody Allen I wrote you a song
Please please please don’t go on

Nothing comes from everything

VERSE 1
Am
I could stop on this day
But I’d start again tomorrow
Em
I could learn on this day
But it’s so much time to sacrifice
Am
I could speak on this day
But I've nothing very nice to say
Em
And eventually
Am
Everything ends in the sea

BRIDGE (same chords)
Well I’ve marked every card
And got caught every hand
Risked all I have
And lost it far too many times
I drank every drink
And got drunk on regret
But forgot what I was looking for
On the bar room floor

CHORUS
C
To know that nothing comes from everything
G
There’s no point in doing anything
D
Is to know freedom

And all shit turns to dust or mud
Our efforts end regardless of
The weight we lay

In this futile game of lose and take
All we lose is all we make
Everybody sighs
Before they die

VERSE
I could write on this day
But what's out there can't be changed
I could dance on this day
But I have no joy to celebrate
I could love on this day
But I know it won't be returned to me
And eventually
Everything ends in the sea

BRIDGE
I've crossed every river
And I burnt every bridge
Broken every promise
And told every blatant lie
Hurt every friend
And cheated every trusting stranger
Then forgot what I was looking for
On the bar room floor

CHORUS

MIDDLE
Am                    C
There are many reasons
Em              F
For standing still

And thinking of them
I do and I will

CHORUS

Domestic bliss

VERSE 1
Em                 D
Mornings in a foreign home
C                  G
Sing to start the day
Em            D
In a friend of friend's apartment
C                       G
While they're away

Domestic bliss
Don’t get better than this
None of the long lists
I’ve been meaning to do

I don’t look to alter
Nothing’s out of place
It’s an enforced holiday
For a mind like my mine

CHORUS 1
C
She makes a cup of coffee
Am                 G
With love and care
C
Then pours it for me
Am             G
Warm and milky

She draws a picture of me
A likeness she says
I defensively cry
Big head big ideas, dear
Am        G
Big head big ideas

VERSE 2
The arrangement of the furniture
The absence of TV
Sets our mind to thinking
Of how we should be

Reading their possessions
Imagining how they are
Two lives come together
What’s his and what’s hers?

His vinyl piles
And the books on birds
While the mural in the bathroom
Speaks a woman’s words

CHORUS


MIDDLE
Am
It’s easy to make friends
                          C
When you’ve a dog or a guitar
G
I prefer the latter
D
It can wait in cars


VERSE 3
Candles burnt down
We will replace
The gas from the long baths
We trust to the faith

That we will offer them our place
When they come to our town
And we will leave them alone
Let them snoop around

CHORUS

Mother feeder and the homecoming kid

VERSE 1
C
Youre looking so low without energy
Am
Not up and about like you used to be
G C
Its calories, youre burning up more than you get

Whatever you want Ill go and fetch you
Dont be moving round til youre feeling better
You would if I letchya, but a growing boys got to feed

Driving through town for the biggest deals
Pickin’ up all of your favourite meals
Love on wheels, mama knows what you need

CHORUS
C Am
McDonalds will solve your problems
F G
Taco Bell will make it all ok
C Am
Kentucky Fried Chicken will give you what your missing
F G
Dominoes will take the pain away

VERSE 2
Start with fried breakfast and a bag of granola
Wash it down with Gatorade and Coca Cola
Food for the soul yeah, setting you up for the day

Then I take a break with the takeaways
Its gotta be fast with what the pension pays,
Whatd your Dad say? Gotta keep the hunger at bay”

Finish up the day with a nice surprise
The biggest burger in town with extra fries
Yeah well supersize, tomorrow's another busy day

CHORUS

LEAD BREAK

VERSE 3
You've got the easy life now no stressing for big scores
You never liked homework or doing those house chores
Now you'd pop all your bed sores, mama will put on the cream

It was a terrible day when she went off with your brother
A blow to your back but she didn't love ya
So you come home to mother, now I'm really all that you need

None of your so-called friends come to visit no more
I keep the phone of the hook, do not disturb on the door
Forget the damn whore, now it's just you and me

CHORUS x2

Rise of the renunciator

VERSE 1
C
I’ve got so much stuff
That I don’t want
Am
It’s destroying my life
I’m surrounded by junk
D
But I always need what I don’t have
G
And I’m buggered if I
Can throw them away

Some of it might something
Gonna put it on ebay
Got to arrange it nicely
Take a photo
But I can’t my camera
It’s in a draw somewhere
I need to sell stuff so I can find it

I don’t know how it started
I’ve had it since I was a kid
From stamp collections
To cigarette cards
Pretty bottles
To fossil shards
I even wrote down the number plates
Of the cars in our street
So I could spot them on the motorway

F
I never grew out of it like the other boys
G
I just moved on, to bigger toys

CHORUS
I’m a collector you see
Of objects and things
Things I don’t really need
Things that just slow me down

I’ve got to learn to say
No no no no no no no
No no no no no no no
Thanks for the offer
But I’ve already got another
Even though that one is a very nice color
(Maybe I could…)

No no no no no no no
No no no no no no no
When am I ever going to be able to stop?
Why do they always make it look so good in the shop?

VERSE 2
I just moved into a new flat
Took me 4 trips in a van
And I swore throughout the nightmare
I’d sort it out when I was there
But instead I just bought draws and cupboards
And doubled my problem
Now I can’t even get back to square one

It was lovely and spacious when I moved in
But I filled it with tables and chairs for dinner parties
Now there isn’t space to have many people over at all
There’s just too much furniture
F
I divide my time between the chairs
G
I’m trying to spread the wear

VERSE 3
I think I’ve found a solution
A really great idea
That will solve my problem forever
Get me out of here
I’m going to give it all away
Not have a home
Be a truly of me

I’ll spend my days on buses
Just riding around
Soaking up the atmosphere
Of this interesting town
I’ll flit from friend to friend
Commandering their couches
Until they want to watch TV

Then I wouldn’t be able
To have much stuff at all
Only what I could carry
Which isn’t much
Cos I’m not very strong
And I’d have a bad back from sleeping on couches

When I run out of friends
I’ll go the YMCA
I’ve heard that even the private suites
Are very very small
And I’d probably get robbed
Which would make decisions easier
Who knows
One day
I might just have
The clothes I’m wearing

CHORUS
Then it’s be easy to say
No no no no no no no
No no no no no no no
Don’t give it to me, I’ve nowhere to put it
I’ve no use for your materialistic society

No no no no no no no
No no no no no no no
I’d rather have the space
Than something, to put in its place

When I think of all I’ve spent
If I could cash it all back in
I’d be a rich man, and a happy man
And a man with space

All I want is space
Space
Space
Space my dear
My greatest fear

Thursday, 13 March 2008

Sleep

Download

VERSE
D ;Bm7
I’ve been up for days
And I can’t feel my face
Everything hurts
I’m in so much pain

CHORUS
I only want to lie still
And never move again
Still I’m too tired to sleep

VERSE
There’s a spot on the wall
I haven’t noticed before
It’s in the shape of Australia
Where I’ll never go

CHORUS
Because I only want to lay here
And never move again
Because I’m too tired to sleep

SOLO

VERSE
Every book’s been read
All the hills have flags now
Everything’s been said

CHORUS
And I just want to lie here
And never move again
Because I’m too tired to sleep
I’m too tired to sleep
I’m too tired to sleep
I’m too tired to sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep

Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Tell him if you see him tonight

Download MP3

VERSE 1
C
Well it seems so long since I saw you last
C/F C
Even though I count the days
C
There's not much else to do here
C/B C
Nothing much has changed

C
Everything's just like you left it
C/F C
I haven't touched a thing
Am
I hope this letter finds you well
G
I miss you so much

CHORUS
C ; ; Am
Tell him if you see him tonight
F
Tell him that I'm alright
C
Everything's ok

VERSE 2
Please try to send the season's cards
They're when I miss you most
I hope you get our birthday cards
We always drink a toast

I know you're very busy
And it's hard to find the time
But a telephone call wouldn't take that long
And it would mean the world

CHORUS
Tell him if you see him tonight
Tell me that he's alright
That everything's ok

SOLO

VERSE 3
Darling I'm so proud of you
And everything you do
You give up so much
Spending so much time away

CHORUS

CHORUS

Every day's a joy

Download MP3

VERSE 1:
F#m
My alarm clock is sweet music to my ears
A cold shower's the perfect way to start the day
Bm
The late train is a welcome surprise
C#m Bm F#m
Every day's a joy

The customers are my intellectual equal
My colleagues are also my best friends
My boss is the embodiment of love
Every day's a joy
E
That I'm employed

CHORUS:
A
But what really makes my day
C#m
Makes the hours melt away
D
Is the variety
E
The unpredictability

Living life with constant change
No two days are ever the same
Running free
On my own spontaneity

A C#m Bm

VERSE:
The coffee always tastes divine
Meetings are a productive use of my boundless time
The girl in accounts keeps noticing me
Every day's a joy

My salary is overly generous
The targets are to easily achieved
I get too many holidays a year
Every day's a joy
That I'm employed

CHORUS

MIDDLE:
Now what s hall I do in the evening
When the energy is coursing through my veins
Maybe I'll just watch a bit of TV
I really find is highly stimulates me
And I can always change the channel

CHORUS

I do for you

Download MP3

G Em G Em G



VERSE 1:

Em

I was marching to the rhythm of the rhetoric

G

Before I even learned how to walk

Em

And I was reciting the rules of far superior fools

G

Since I was old enough to talk



CHORUS:

Em

And they always see the negative side

G

And they always seek to criticise

Em

Out of date, in a state, everything I love to hate

C/G D/A

Still all the things I do

G

I do them for you



VERSE 2:

I’ll do everything that I can do

To pay back the things that you’ve done for me

But my life is my life

And I’ll be making my mistakes for me



CHORUS

Don’t be always putting me down

And not always stirring the ground

Immature, insecure, I wondered what I bothered for,

Still all the things I do

I do them for you



OUTRO:

All the things I do, I do them for y

Time to move on

Download MP3

Key: A (Capo at 2nd fret)

VERSE:
G D G D
Going around in social circles
I recognise faces on the street
I know every corner of my apartment
Nothing feels new to me

CHORUS:
C G D
I’ve been living here for too long
It’s time that I was moving on

VERSE:
They’ll take a train to catch a plane
To start her life over again
While I know the view from every window
Nothing feels new to me

CHORUS:
And I’ve thought these thoughts before
I don’t want them anymore

MIDDLE:
F C G x 8
And when I get that burning fever down inside of me
And I get that boring, gnawing in my bones
I’ll get an American accent and all emotional
When I run out of clichés I know it’s time to go
It’s time to move on it’s time to move on it’s time to move on
It’s time to move on it’s time to move on it’s time to move on
Riding alone
Rolling the stone

D F C
G C x2

I went into a cafe for a coffee
Place I've been many times before
The waitress already knows my order
I have to walk out the door

Practical man

Download MP3

VERSE:
Bm
I wish that I was out at sea, on a boat – only me
Bm7
Waves crashin’ all around, drowning every sound

I wish that I was up in space, preserving the human race
With acts of depravity, that you can’t do in gravity

F#
But they’d never pick me
E
I’m just too repressed you see

CHORUS:
G
Always standing on the land
A
With my head down in my hands
D ; E
I’m a practical man
G
Never staying out late at night
A
Never getting in a fight
D ; E
I’m a practical man
G ;F#
A boring man, all I am

VERSE:
I wish that I could drift on drugs
Or find myself in a whiskey jug
I’d lie on the floor of my flat for days
In an alcoholic haze

I wish that I could take a trip
Down into my sub consciousness
I’d take a torch, follow the chains
Shine a light on the things that hold me down
Take a real good look around

CHORUS

D ;E
Practical man X2

G F# B

City life

CITY LIFE
By Jack Stafford

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A# Dm D# F
First day in the city and the country boy’s ready to play
It’s a blur of funny flashing faces and he knows he’s gonna stay
Running around with the energy that you only have when you’re young
And he’s smiled at by the older hands too aware of what he’ll become
After all day in the office it’s all night in the bar
And after 10 pints of lager his boss says son your going to go far, would you like a car? He says “Man I love city life”

“I love the hassle of the hustle and the bustle everyday
Survival of the fittest, natural selection that’s the way
Man life is short but days are long and waste is my only dread
Got to live for the moment they’ll be quiet times ahead
I can sleep when I’m dead” Man he loves his city life

10 years on and most have gone but our boy’s hanging in
The work is taking over, it’s a competition he has to win
Spends all his time earning money that he’ll spend on buying back time
But barely has the sense to save for an annual escape
A specialised professional he delegates his life
A nanny for the children, a gardener for the wife, his trouble and strife, Living out his vicarious life.

Among so many yet so few he counts as friends
The more he meets the less he greets and so the spiral descends
He’s moved out of the city and only comes in to trade his stock
Commutes in a compartment to his cubicle in a block
His day is watching numbers on a blindly blinking screen
Then he comes home to another and a night of TV dreams, and a wife that screams “You only love your city life”

Finally the city’s spat him out a humble 65,
Exhausted he just sits at home as a man he doesn’t recognise,
I stopped him in the street one day and I asked him what he’d done
He said “I lived fast and I lived it young and I had a lot of fun
I bought and sold a lot of things, and I stood pretty tall
But if you measure a man by what he leaves behind then it’s hard to tell that I was here at all, “But son I loved a city life”
Man that city life, man that city life, man that city life took it’s toll x2

Saturday, 19 January 2008

Denim Hell




DENIM HELL
By Jack Stafford

VERSE 1:
Am Am/E
Welcome to my world of pain
Am/F#
Where everybody shops at the same store
B7
I don’t think I can take anymore

VERSE 2:
I may be strutting down the street unfurled
But I’m still trapped in the material world with you
Hell isn’t red it’s blue

CHORUS:
C
I’m dying in a denim hell
G
At the hands of the fashion cartel
F G
Smothered by denim drones and identical clones

VERSE 2:
They are the norm
But I don’t need to conform
I won’t wear a uniform, it’s war
I’m taking on the denim corp.

CHORUS

MIDDLE:
Am F Em
I want to set fire to the fabric of society
Burn through to see some individuality

C
Mothers daughters fathers sons
G
Wearing denim everyone…

CHORUS

Tuesday, 15 January 2008

PDD



The problems of parenting in a lazy, fast food culture.

PDD
By Jack Stafford

VERSE 1
G D C G
I hear you’ve got a kid, wild and free
Em C D G
And you don’t know, what it could be

He’s wrecking your house, destroying your home
Can’t be left for two minutes alone

Just when you’re on the edge of insanity
You discover the term ADD

Now you can give him plenty of treats
Chocolate, cookies, crisps and sweets
Drive him to school, never walk anywhere
Don’t let him play outside
When he’s hyper with pent-up energy
Get him tested for ADD

Make all his food tasty and colorful
Sugary drinks and ice cream by the tub-full
Everything’s processed, nothing’s fresh
Minimal vegetable, plenty of flesh
Then when he’s at Grandma’s and won’t sit down for tea
Blame it on the ADD

Let him stay up late every night
Get up in the morning whenever he likes
Indulge his rugged rebellious streak
Give him a new toy every week
When people say he’s spoilt
Whisper to friends that it’s ADD

MIDDLE
C
Fill him with fear of the stranger danger
The candymen that don’t need the dark
Keep him off the streets he could get by a car
And away from the syringes in the park
Give him all the freedom in the world, as long as he’s inside

VERSE 2
Let him spend days in combat game sessions
Sign him up for karate lessons
Build up his collection of ninja toys
Stick him in daycare with bigger boys
Then when he makes his sister bleed
Spank him for his ADD

Keep him quiet with animation
If he’s causes ttouble he goes in isolation
Don’t bother to plead to get him to read
Talk to the kid like a kid
When he can’t master his ABC
It’s another symptom of ADD

Give him 300 channels and a remote control
40 games for his portable console
20 cereals and 30 shoes
Kill his attention span and ability to choose
So if he doesn’t win the spelling bee
He’ll be able to say it’s his ADD

Memorize the symptoms on Wikipedia
Spout all the stats you heard in the media
Blame the teachers and his education
Sedate him with Ritalin medication
While you at it get something for your anxiety
Float away together on ADD

When he’s older and wiser and his life is a mess
Can’t cope with working or get any success
He’ll remember the snacks of his infancy
All the sugar you ate in pregnancy
When he accuses you of parental deficiency
Plead the 5th and ADD