The law of diminishing marginal returns

VERSE 1
F                        Am                 C               Dm
First hours in the club were the best hours ever
F                Am                     Dm          C
I knew right then that it could never get better

Surrounded by friends it was a night to remember
We danced around the fire in the glow of the embers

That's when I met her and now I can see
I should have left then with a golden memory, it is

CHORUS
      C        F              Am         Dm
The law of diminishing marginal returns
       C         F            Am          C
The law of diminishing marginal returns

The law of diminishing marginal returns
The law of diminishing marginal returns

(Twice round instrumental)

VERSE 2
First times we made love they were the best times ever
I knew right then that it would never get better
We had long wild nights and wide crazy days
Everything was good and new in our ways
But when the honeymoon went down and the hot sun came up
It was glaringly obvious that enough was enough, it was

CHORUS

VERSE 3
To make it alright we thought we'd move in together
The first days together were the best days ever
Building a home we were fresh we were keen
But soon we settled into a depressing routine
Straight home from work and wallow in TV
Until we hated everything and neither of us could see, it was

CHORUS

MIDDLE
Am
It all happened way too fast
C
Love isn't meant to last
Am
We all look better off in the past
Dm
There's no shame in starting again

CHORUS

OUTRO
The law of diminishing marginal returns x5

Wild Man Fischer

D - G - F - G

Larry Fischer was a singer in LA who sold original songs for a dime
He did this for years waiting for his chance
One day it comes along when Frank Zappa says “let’s make a record’
They work together for three months and Larry was over the moon
It’s hard to be, great when you’re straight
It’s hard to be, great when you’re straight

Unfortunately the record didn’t sell as well as Larry had hoped
Angry he threw a bottle and it nearly hit Zappa’s baby
Which meant the end of their friendship, even though he hadn’t meant it
Larry was a manic depressive paranoid schizophrenic
It’s hard to be, great when you’re straight
It’s hard to be, great when you’re straight

Like many people the problems began young, he was a neglected child
He wasn’t diagnosed and didn’t get the help or medication he needed
He got angrier and angrier and finally went at his mother with a knife
So he was locked away at 16 in a mental institution
And they thought electric shock therapy might be the solution
It’s hard to be, great when you’re straight
It’s hard to be, great when you’re straight

He probably came out crazier than he went in and led a merry go round of a life
His career didn’t end with Zappa, he worked with other avande guarde figures
Music pouring out of him every day
He’s still an inspiration to people around the world
It’s hard to be, great when you’re straight
It’s hard to be, great when you’re straight

Most of us other artists aren’t hard wired as wonderfully as this
We have to manufacture some chaos and unbalance
Whether it be drink or drama or drugs or coffee
Because from a world of order nothing new comes
It’s hard to be, great when you’re straight
It’s hard to be, great when you’re straight

I know all this from a documentary, I’ve never met the guy
It ended with good news that he was now doing OK
After 40 years he’s now got drugs to calm him down
But unfortunately he’s lost his pep and isn’t singing anymore
It’s hard to be, great when you’re straight
It’s hard to be, great when you’re straight

Tales at the end

VERSE 1
                                    G
You’re approaching the end
                        C
Your final act nears
                             Am
It’s time to face the music
                        D
Look into your fears

Relax, don’t worry
It’s out of your hands
Sit back and watch the light show
Go out in style

BRIDGE
                Am
It’s been a good life
         C
Not a coulda life
              Em
So as the curtain comes down, bring down the frown
                  D
It’s time you know

CHORUS (Chords same as verse)
Nobody likes a good loser
We all want a scene
Let’s who got to you
Let’s hear who’s mean

Nobody likes a good loser
Get even and now
Tell who us wronged you
Who's a pig who's a cow?

Let’s hear some details
About people we know
Let’s hear the dark side
From one who knows

VERSE 2
Now your world's ending
But ours will go on
You’ve only the info
Of what went on

It’s all over
All bar the screams
Leave us the memories
And all the scars

VERSE 3
You’re going to hell
Might as well tell
Tell us the juicy bits
We’re all dying to know

You left too much out of your biography
You didn’t want to offend
But this is your last chance
You’re among friends

CHORUS

MIDDLE
G
This would be your revenge
Em
Confess and condemn
C
We want to be shocked
About by the secrets of some men

Don't just fade away
Go out with a bang
You can't take them with you
Come on be a man

BRIDGE

CHORUS

Dance for me

VERSE 1
C Am
I’ve been on the radio channels 1 and 3
Dm G
If you live in Holland you might have seen me on TV

I’ve been interviewed and expressed my ideas
Asked for my secrets and my deepest fears

I’ve played for ordinaries without feeling too proud
Sung to the masses and I’ve listened to crowds
C G
Normally I ask a fee but for you I’ll do it for free

CHORUS
C Am
If you dance for me, dance for me
F G
And I will play for you

Dance for me, dance for me
And I will play for you

VERSE 2
I’ve headlined fields on the Isle of Wight
Held my own in a one-way bottle fight
Gone down a storm at the RNID
Young and old couldn’t take their eyes off me
I’m in all the best record shops chagrin
I’ve got my own section in the remainders bin
Normally I ask for food, but for you I’ll do it for free

CHORUS
If you dance for me, dance for me
And I will play for you
If you dance for me, dance for me
And I will play for you

Dance for me, and I will play for you

The curse of standards

CHORUS
D Bm
Lady, you've raised my standards
G A
What a selfish thing to do

Lady, you've raised my standards
Now my happy life is through

VERSE
Bm G
Like a drunk on cheap wine
My gutter life was going fine
Now the taste is plain
Since I savoured champagne
It's a pain

CHORUS

VERSE
I'm too young to settle down
I'm married to the road
I've got grand plans for the future
I don't need this in my load
I'm all bowed

CHORUS

The curse of standards  by  thejackstaffordfoundation 

The trial of Toni Terry

Another topical song. I'm really enthused by the idea of having a residency in a club somewhere and doing all new songs for it every week.

CHORUS

C                                                            Am

Baby, baby, baby, you’ve been awful cruel

C                                                            Am

Maybe, maybe, maybe, I can do better

VERSE 1

Em                                                Am

But I just can’t seem to say goodbye

Em                                                Am

So I’ve taken the twins to Dubai

F                                                G            Em                                    Am

You’re welcome to come and visit, at your own expense

F                                                Am

Adulteries a criminal offence

CHORUS

VERSE 2

I’m can’t cope with the tabloid stories

The rumours that won’t go away

While all you want to do is play,

some things are not a game

How much is enough shame?

CHORUS (instrumental)

MIDDLE

Am                        Em

I have a recurring fantasy

Am                                                D,

You’ve had an accident and can’t walk anymore

Am                                                Em

Then our family will always stay together

G                        Am

Happily ever after

CHORUS

C                                                            Am

Baby, baby, baby, what you’re turning me into

C                                                            Am

Baby, baby, baby, this has got to end

The trial of Toni Terry by thejackstaffordfoundation