Cold cold world

Capo 1

VERSE 1
C Am
As we started out I thought it was going well
C
It can be hard to tell
Am
In with my manager for a contract review
C
We’re very happy with you
But you know how things are going
And there’s just know way of knowing
Am
I’m afraid for you
C
We just can’t renew

CHORUS
Am G C
It’s a cold cold, cold cold cruel world x2

VERSE 2
After all this time the only place I fit
Is on benefit
It was with some trepidation that I went online
For a very long time
Filling out the form
A cross examination
For what seemed like an age
I’m on the final page
Then the pop-up message box says alas
System crash

CHORUS

VERSE 3
I pinned my hopes to the promise of a tax return
I never learn
A river only flows one way
Still a man can pray
And as the laden letter hit the mat
I read it back
Unfortunately, we’re informing you…

CHORUS

MIDDLE
C Em Am
Now I know what it’s like
Dm G
To lose what I took for granted

Now I know what it’s like
To be on the other side

Now I know what it’s like

Dreams of plenty

VERSE
G
I have not had no work now in over 4 months
C
And all of my savings are gone

G
And save as I might, there is no end in sight
C
For I have no more wages to come

CHORUS
C
How long will it take?
How long must I wait?
D
Til’ fortune it favours the brave

VERSE
I left of my own ‘cord a foolish mistake
The wind blowin’ was not like this then

I'll travel and find it
If there is no kind there like it
When fortune it favours the brave

CHORUS
How long will it take?
How long must I wait?
Til’ fortune it favours the brave

VERSE
My tread it is light, no print left in sight
I float through this land twas my home

A drifter I’ve become, no sane man’s son
A borrower in a stranger’s land

CHORUS
How long will it take?
How long must I wait?
Til’ fortune it favours the brave

VERSE
I’ve heard of a place where the locals are lazy
And the fruit just fall from the tree

I’ll travel and find it, I come to define it
Where all the chance takers are brave

CHORUS
How long must I walk?
How much must I talk?
Til’ fortune it favours the brave

Debt train

Chords: Fm G# Cm Fm

Here’s my tale of wow
My elation at excess
I hereby state it for the record
And confess my success

I did buy now pay later
I went on a credit run
And for the benefit of being
I got two for one

I borrowed more than I’ve got
To buy more than I need
That cut don’t heal well
This sucker bleeds

I’m going to go to the casino
And win my way back
To get out of the red
I’ll put it all on black

[Experimental instrumental]

I blame it on the mailman
I curse his children
For first the mail orders
And then the orders in the mail

The slope is more slippery
The lower I get
For another day older
I go a week in debt

I don’t see an end to this
Long tunnel of pain
And the light at the end of it
Turned out to be a train

When you’re standin’ in a hole
And all you’re holdin’ is a spade
The only thing you’ve got left to do
Is to dig yourself a grave

IKEA will be the death of us all

Work in progres...

CHORUS
G C
IKEA will be the death of us all
D G
They’ll find us lying on the same linoleum floor
Em
The death of mankind
C
Cruel and unkind
D G
Masterminded by Swedish design

Dinner party soundtrack

INTRO
G Em
Music like wine, you find it hard to define
Am C
You go with what your friends have

You pick the bland stuff, don’t want to rock the boat
You’ve struck it lucky, this album’s for you

VERSES
Now you can
G Em C D
Play this album at your dinner parties
Softly in the background, you’ll hardly notice it’s there

The melodies are subtle and it’s a very rich sound
The producer was top notch and the band is sublime

So I hope you, play this album at your dinner parties
Every aspect has been carefully designed

It’s mostly choruses on steady repeat
None of the bones, just all of the meat

I hope you, play this album at your dinner parties
It won’t upset you there are no big ideas

The lyrics are vague, the singing mumbled
You can make it mean whatever you want

So go and, play this album at your dinner parties
Impress your friends with something they haven’t heard of

Mock their taste and say they’re so out of touch
Tell them they're obviously not getting out very much

Then they will, buy this album for their dinner parties
Soon my music will be everywhere

Etc.

Survivors

VERSE 1
G
We’ll have three days before the breakdown
C
That’s not enough time to get ourselves organized
G
I booked us in a practice at the paint ball park
C
The welts will be a small price to pay

CHORUS
C D
The white boys are already in gangs
C D
The Chinese are sure to stick together
C D
It’s the solitary loners that will have to stick together
C D
Come the end I’ll need to know that I have friends

VERSE 3
Water's the most important thing, I will find some plastic barrels
We'll need plenty of canned food
When the supermarket rush starts and the panic sets in
That’s when you’ll be offering me your thanks

CHORUS 2
The Muslims are already organized
The Catholics have castles in every town
It’s us isolated atheists that will need a helping hand
Come the end I’ll need to know that I have friends

INSTRUMENTAL

CHORUS 3
The Poles have all the practical skills
The Americans are naturally prepared
What good is a graphic designer when the power goes out
Come the end I’ll need to know that I have friends

The cabin song

VERSE 1
Am C G
I’m sitting in a cabin in the woods
Am C G
There ain’t nobody for miles around
Am C G
No electricity, or telephone
Am C G
I really like living by my own
F
I’m authentic
Dm C G
This is my cabin song
Dm C G
This is my cabin song

VERSE 2
I’m sitting on my Daddy’s trunk
Filled with all his worldly junk
He died when I was only nine
Now his sorrow has turned into mine
I’m depressed
This is my cabin song
This is my cabin song

VERSE 3
I’m sitting in a cabin in the woods
Eating a deer that I killed myself
I chased it cos I don’t own a gun
And I’m eating it raw cos I can’t afford a fire
I’m stone cold poor
This is my cabin song
This is my cabin song

VERSE 4
I’m sitting in a cabin in the woods
A cabin that I built myself
That wall there’s from my brother’s boat
He could never get that damn thing to float
I’m a self-made man
This is my cabin song
This is my cabin song

VERSE 5
I’m sitting in a cabin in the woods
With only my guitar for company
I write songs about my cabin and the woods
And a cousin that I almost kissed
That one big chance for love I missed
They’re getting me lots of hits on my myspace
And they say that I will be a star
I’m big in Europe
This is my cabin song
This is my cabin song

The ballad of Jolie Holland

VERSE 1
G Dm C
As you shuffled on stage I knew we were in for trouble
You looked like you’d rather be anywhere but there

You started playing and it was nothing like the CD
None of the, none of the energy
Your voice was way too much in the background
And that can’t be the band that played on the album

CHORUS
In short,
It was a big disappointment to see you live [3 gospel singers]
A real letdown [Jack]

It was a big disappointment to see you live
I’d been looking forward to it

It was a big disappointment to see you live
It was a shock

It was a big disappointment to see you live
You must have a great producer

It was a big disappointment to see you live
Although you’re co-credited

It was a big disappointment to see you live
Maybe live’s not your forte

It was a big disappointment to see you live
Or maybe you were just having an off-day

VERSE 2
Halfway through I made my way over to he sound guy
I said what’s going on this is nothing like the CD
He said son she’s like this every night

You were complaining about the lighting
You’re on stage for Christ’s sake
You know it’s insecurity with a lot of artists
I hope you can turn it around - It’s so unnecessary

CHORUS
It was a big disappointment to see you live
Tom Waits would be turning in his grave

It was a big disappointment to see you live
I think I’ve made my feelings clear

It was a big disappointment to see you live
I’d still go and see you again

It was a big disappointment to see you live
But I might heckle

Mad men

F
When you work in advertising
Bf
People want to know your name
G
They want to hear about what you do
C
They know people look up to you

When they hear you work in advertising
Young girls often wet themselves
Big men want to hold your hand
Policeman want a lock of your hair

When you work in advertising
Everybody wants to be your friend
Cos they think that you know people
People who know people

Who don’t work in advertising
But are actually on TV
And who all their friends have heard of
But until then you will do

Cos you work in advertising
And it’s all money for nothing
You sell microwaves and color TVs
And you get your chicks for free

When you work in advertising
People want to go down on you
Work on your whims and wants
In elevators and restaurants

[Hammond solo]

When you work in advertising
You are the epitomy of cool
Almost as good as being a rockstar
Much better than being a doctor

Cos when you work in advertising
You’re saving people’s lives
Helping them to get better things
And… and… buy stuff

When you work in advertising
You’ll never be alone again
And be asked to all the parties
Women want to have your babies!

[Slap bass solo]

[The breakdown]

Etc.

Five years on

Inspired by David Bowie's 5 years. An updated version

VERSE
Am
Pushing through town to the market square
C Em
I new I’d get to see all the action there

They’d set up a stage and an enormous screen
It played out exactly as they’d clearly foreseen

The news guy was laughing loud with relief
Proud that he always held the belief

The countdown started and we all held our breath
To see if it would be a slow or sudden death

CHORUS
C Am
The five years are finally over
Em G
It’s the waiting that was killing me

Five years of fear and frustration
And a deep dull pain in my brain

But now the five years are finally over
And now we’re really at the end

VERSE 2
A girl my age went running off ahead
Mumbling something ‘bout going back to bed

A priest in the corner was reading us the rights
He could hardly be heard above the noise of the fights

While two young lovers not so worried about sin
Were getting the last of the loving in

You went looking for ice creams tall and long
Saying you didn’t want to be in a song

CHORUS

MIDDLE
F C G
I had still so much left undone
F C G
Like having a lifetime of low down, getting down, deeper done fun

CHORUS

The steady receding

VERSE
A
I am receding, it’s time that I came clean
D
I’ve been brushing it forward
E
So I know you haven’t seen

But I’m receding, I’ve tried to work out why
I’m barely in my thirties
I’m much too young to die

I am receding, I’ve every right to whine
People pretend to be courteous
Even Jasmine says it’s fine, I know she’s lying

MIDDLE
E A
I try to put on a brave face to show I don’t care
E A
My life, my fortune, for a full head of hair
Bm
I hold my head up high
F#m
I stay out of the light
E
I only go out at night

VERSE
I am receding, you might say I am depressed
Takes me two hours to get outta bed in the morning
Let alone get dressed

I am receding, it’s really getting worse
I check it every time I piss
To see if it’s reversed

But I’m receding, I’m all out of ideas
I’ve tried looking up on the internet
But all that does is fuel my fears, I’m worried sick

MIDDLE
Where do I go from here?
My options are wearing thin
Do I cut it short?
Or keep combing it forward
Or grow it long while I can!

VERSE
But I’m receding, my life is at an end
First you looks your hair you know
Then you lose your friends

I am receding, now I notice it in others
It’s like an epidemic
At least I have my brothers

We’re receding, let’s go bald together
We’ll form a political party
And then ban hair forever, we can change the world!

Work eat shit sleep

VERSE
E C#m
Got to get a fast car, and a fancy TV
Need a bigger screen, than anyone I know
Got to find love, it’s time to settle down now
Find the right girl, prettiest I know
Got to get a job, got to earn money
Her tastes expensive, more than anyone I know

CHORUS
Anyone got a job, better than my job?
Anyone got a girl, prettier than my girl?
Anyone got a life, livelier than my life?
Anyone got a home, homlier than mine?

VERSE
Got to be gettin’ up early, goinna be a busy day
Got to be the first in, kill or be killed
Need to get a headstart, if I want promotion
Can’t be showing weakness or any sign of emotion

CHORUS
Anyone got a job, better than my job?
Anyone got a love, lovelier than mine?
Anyone got a low, lonely than my low?
Anyone got a life, livelier than mine?

Soul seller

Soul seller
By Jack Stafford

VERSE 1
F
Everyone was so friendly
They put it very nice
And they know that you’re selling
Before you name the price

CHORUS
Bf
I sold my soul somehow
I sold my soul somehow today

VERSE 2
It was too much to turn down
But not enough to flee
Somebody’s going to get rich
It might as well be me

CHORUS

VERSE 3
I was thinking of the future
Of my unborn kids
How will I provide for them?
So this is what I did

CHORUS

VERSE 4
It all happened so innocently
The devil is your friend
And before I had to think about it
The money was in my hand

CHORUS

MIDDLE
C
The good times
Bf
And the memories
F
Both fade

Tarnished
By the knowledge
Of how they were paid

Cos at the end
All I have left
Is my pride

VERSE 5
It only took an instant
Nobody got hurt
But a little piece of me died
When I said those words

CHORUS

VERSE 6
I’ll tell you your first regret
As you’re walking out the door
It’s not if you should have done it
It’s that I should have asked for more

CHORUS

VERSE 7
I want to keep it quiet
But word will get around
Then just when I least expect it
I’ll hear that awful sound

CHORUS

VERSE 8
By saying it’s that one time
I keep my conscience clear
But the money’s almost gone
And I know they’ll be next year

CHORUS

Bad for good

VERSE 1
D
They say that clever men borrow, but geniuses to steal
Feel, fob and fawn to get closer to real
G
There ain’t nobody up there keeping the score
I tried originality but it’s been done before
A
You see the best boats are built from the oldest wood
And you gotta be bad to get this good

VERSE 2
So now you know I’m not proud to say I imitate
But by the time I get to fashions I was much too late

But it all goes in circles and I was paying with my crimes
Cos I was so far behind I was ahead of the times

Tell us how you did it, oh I would if I could
Just you gotta be bad to get this good

MIDDLE
G
Because such bad impersonator’s an original
A
Honestly underhand
G
If you copy badly enough what you know was done well
A
Nobody can tell

VERSE 3
Everybody you admire they all did the same
You gotta learn to ride before you get to drive the train

When you got the armour and the tools of the trade
And you learnt with the headstart your forefathers gave

Then you get to move the flag a foot from where it stood
But you gotta be bad before you get good

VERSE 4
I met a girl in Rino with a heart of gold
When the angel’s made her they took to breaking the mould

She gave up her home and through in her job
To come and cook and clean for a certified slob

Beauty for the beast did all she good
Yeah you gotta be bad to get such good

OUTRO
You ga-ah-ah-ah-ah-atta be bad
To get this good

The end of the farce

VERSE
C                    Am             F           C
It's panic in the papers and cries of surprise
                  Am               F         C
As another bank just got nationalised

They’re talking up turmoil and social unrest

As the free market fails yet another test

They’re preying on each other, all down the line

It could be the biggest thing since 1929

G

CHORUS
                               C              Am
We hoped it was the end of the farce
         G
That party was never going to last

We hoped it was the end of the farce
But that was just too much to ask

We hoped it was the end of the farce

But it seems that the moment has passed

VERSE 2

After years of credit and decades of debt
Common sense wasn't hard to forget

We are all guilty of going in the rush
For buying everything and never having enough

The force-fed fallacy, that greed is good
Got given the attention that a bad boy never should

CHORUS

MIDDLE
C      Em
Oh guardians
Am
Save us from ourselves

Simple people
We will hurt ourselves

VERSE 3

Those we thought in charge turned out far too lax

The can redeem though with a transaction tax

Return the regulation and end the careers

Of glorified gamblers with derivative ideas

We're faced with few roads but many more signs

And to take none of them would be the greatest crime

CHORUS

Mrs Palin's manifesto

INTRO
Dm F Dm
For God and guns, against gays and abortion

VERSE
Dm
Forget about war and the economy
Only god can set you free
F C
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

The bible’s every book you need
And I’ll control what else you read
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

I know the good lord’s got a plan
And he’s doing everything he can
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

I see our country how it’s cursed
Cos they don’t put Jesus first
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

CHORUS
F Dm
Vote for me and I’ll give you what you want
F Dm
Vote for me I’ll fight right on every front
Dm F Dm
For God and guns, against gays and abortion

VERSE
I’ll take the values of our town
And make the whole world settle down
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

I’ll make all our futures better
Pursuing personal vendettas
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

And halt the influence of thugs
By giving life for selling drugs
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

I’ll show you the power of a woman
Can’t you see what I’m becoming?
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

CHORUS

MIDDLE
I’ll end the moral slide of our nation
By stopping all sex education
I’ll give every unborn child a voice
By ending would be mother’s choice
I’ll shield our older children from pain
By making every one abstain
While the marriages of gays
I’ll make that problem go away

VERSE
I’ll work on national security
By sending our boys overseas
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

I’ll protect your right to protect your home
And insulate from the unknown
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

So join me and Mr. McCain
On our tireless campaign
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

To make the world a better place
For the best of our Arian race
The things you believe in are the things we believe in

CHORUS

The light before

D A G D

VERSE
D
Nothing’s how you want it to be
A
It’s all going wrong with the economy
G A
It’s a dire state, and you can’t pass the blame

Every move to strengthen your position
Plays into the hands of the opposition
You’ve dropped the ball and might soon be out the game

CHORUS
D G
But just when you think things are never going to improve
D G
And you’ll never get back into the popular groove
A
Remember that
Em
It’s always darkest
A D
Just before it goes totally black
D D D D A G D

VERSE
You might think you’re somehow cursed
This is not how you rehearsed it
Over and over while you served out your time











The title that was decidedly yours
You had to wrestle from histories jaws
But the awaited reign’s becoming a perfect storm

CHORUS
And as you’re thinking they’ll never see the light
Of how you alone can make it right
Remember that
It’s always darkest
Just before it goes totally black

INSTRUMENTAL

VERSE
It’s hard to know where you should begin
You can’t even turn to spin
Your predecessor spun outta control

You’re looking around for new ideas
Trying to tackle the public’s fears
But you’re firefighting’s only fanning the flames

CHORUS
But just as you’re about to give up hope
And you feel that all the slack’s come out of the rope
Remember that
It’s always darkest
Just before it goes totally black

The Sorrow of Gaia

A song inspired by James Lovelock's "The Revenge of Gaia". There must have been a time when CO2 levels reached the tipping point and Gea began her shift to the higher operating temperature described in the book.

VERSE 1
Em
When the world changed
Em
A warm night in July
G
The factories were working overtime
To meet the rising demand
D
An ever bigger fire
Bm
To feed the flames of man's desires

VERSE 2
When the world changed
For her it was no surprise
For too long they’d been burning
The balance had been turning
But the point at which they’d learn
Was past the point of no return

VERSE 3
When the world changed
She did it with a sigh
For all that she’d created
Would have to start again
All because of them
And the ambitions of men

VERSE 4
When the world changed
She knew they’d take it on
Not accept the changes
And try to intervene
Then only when they see the cost
Would they realize what they’d lost

VERSE 5
When the world changed
Forever in a day
To bring the balance back
And counter the attack
She wondered if she should
But it was for the greater good

VERSE 6
The night the world changed
She didn’t sleep at all
She thought about the changes
cos there could be no reverse
But things were getting hot
And man was never gonna stop

OUTRO
Am
The night the world changed
C
Ahhhhhh
Am
The night the world changed
C
Ahhhhhh
Am
The night the world changed
C
Ahhhhhh

JUST LYRICS:

When the world changed
A warm night in July
The factories were working overtime
To meet the rising demand
An ever bigger fire
To feed the flames of man's desires

When the world changed
For her it was no surprise
For too long they’d been burning
The balance had been turning
But the point at which they’d learn
Was past the point of no return

When the world changed
She did it with a sigh
For all that she’d created
Would have to start again
All because of them
And the ambitions of men

When the world changed
She knew they’d take it on
Not accept the changes
And try to intervene
Then only when they see the cost
Would they realize what they’d lost

When the world changed
Forever in a day
To bring the balance back
And counter the attack
She wondered if she should
But it was for the greater good

The night the world changed
She didn’t sleep at all
She thought about the changes
cos there could be no reverse
But things were getting hot
And man was never gonna stop

Gig - 't Blijvertje, Amsterdam - Friday 2nd May 2008

Gig - Winston, Amsterdam - 25th April 2008