The Jack Stafford Foundation

Wednesday, 19 March 2008

The length of her shower

Ode to the lonely stoner

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VERSE
Dm
This song will set the record straight
F
About my kind
C
I'm tired of being criticized
G
For the state of my mind

People mislabel me
And think I'm a crazy stoner guy
But 'cos I smoke all the time
I'm not even high

Being stoned is when
I get my best ideas you know
Yesterday I watched series one of "24"
And ate my weight in Dorritos

It's not an addiction
I could easily stop it
But if I'm not stoned
I see that life is sh*t

CHORUS
C Am
Ode to the lonely stoner
G F
I see you clearly in my cloud of smoke

Ode to the lonely stoner
We'll see who laughs hardest last

VERSE
"Give it up it's ruining you"
My girlfriend implores
But dope took nothin' from me
There wasn't anything here before

I've got nothing to offer
That's why I'm outta my head
It's better for society
If I stay in bed

I've thought deeply
What's the best use of my time
And I'm almost the one
On matrix online

I've got big plans
And soon I'm gonna write them down
The first will be to get out
Of this loser town

CHORUS

VERSE
I listen to the campaigners
Saying all drugs are wrong
They should just drop out
In the words of the song

No one on Marijuana
Never started no war
If the soldier boys smoked more
They'd forget what they're fighting for

I study the news sites
I know what's going on
That's why I got my lips
Wrapped round a big ass bong

All this insight
Doesn't come without sacrifice
I don't have any money
Or even a sex life

CHORUS x2

Just a little girl

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VERSE
Em C
I was out til four last night
Em C
Hangover is kicking in

Late for work but I do not care
What'll they do? Fire me?

BRIDGE
Em
They don't know, they don't care
D/F#
I forge my timesheets with hours to spare

CHORUS
G
'Cause I'm just a little girl
C
What harm can I do?
Em
I sing myself to sleep at night
D/F#
I'll do what ever the f**k I like

'Cause I'm just a little girl
Take pity on me
The sorry white world of male mankind
Can kiss my sweet tight perty behind

Yes I'm just a little girl
C
And you'll listen to me
D
Like it or not

VERSE 2
I believe that redundancy
Is coming soon, that's why I stay

I do f**k all anyway
Nobody cares, so do they

BRIDGE
My boss is a f**k, he's got no guts
I open my eyes and just look up

CHORUS

MIDDLE
A ; ; C
I'm going through the motions
Em
Of living every day
C
How I would be different
Em
If circumstances changed

Conflicting emotions
Mount up every day
And I know will be different
When circumstances change

CHORUS

The heat

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VERSE
This heat is incredible
I’ve never know it like this
I’m starting to hallucinate
Or maybe reminisce

The air is poison
It hurts to breathe
If I had a good way to travel
You know I’d leave

But there’s no escape
Nowhere to hide
Everything’s uncomfortable
I know how it feels to be fried, by

CHORUS
The heat
The heat
The heat
The heat

VERSE
Too hot to be indoors
But it’s murder outside
The casualty list is rising
Even my air conditioner died

Nothings moving
Not even the air
Praying for a thunderstorm
Even a breeze

I’m bored outta my mind
Can’t do a thing
Just drink and sweat
And try to forget

CHORUS x2

Gay OK

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VERSE
D
Son it’s time we talked about
A
Your need to come out
E A
Cos it’s already plain to see

It’s a poor attempt to hide
Your feminine side
When you try to walk like our lord John Wayne

And all this vocal gay bashing
Is your insides thrashing
It’s the squeaky wheel that wants to get greased

You’re working on your pecks
To take your mind of sex
You’re pumping iron when you’d rather be pumping ass

CHORUS
D
I’m hear to say boy
E
That it’s all ok
G
Everybody knows your gay

VERSE
You drink herbal tea
And you sit down to pee
Your style screams “I’m living in denial”

You’ve got better skin than your sister
And you’re cleaner than my mother
You’re good at cooking and you know how to bake

You love “Dawson’s Creek”
You’re a “Six Feet Under” freak
You’ve seen Broke Back Mountain 14 times

CHORUS
You don’t need to be Freud
To see the things you’ve enjoyed
Everybody knows your gay

VERSE
Now in this day and age
It ain’t got no reason to be ashamed
Homosexuality’s all the rage

Politicians do it by rule
They’re teaching it in school
In the army it’s compulsory

And with a little vision
You could get yourself in prison
Or shipped off to a penal colony

CHORUS
To clear your mental block
You need a nice bit of cock
Everybody knows your gay

VERSE
If you try it I think you’ll find
That you like it from behind
‘Cmon on everybody likes a little anal

The few times you’ve been to bed
All your talk about is the head
They say that men give the best blowjobs

Oh sure women are nice
If you’re willing to pay the price
But you can’t beat the real thing

CHORUS
So say it out loud
Make your parents proud
Everybody knows your gay

Viva la revolucion

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VERSE
C
Magpie in the sky
Am
Why can’t I?
F
Why can’t I?

Window to my soul
Such a little hole
A little hole

Running child never so free
To be so wild
To be a child

All the proof of waste that’s in my house
Evaporate
It’s not too late

CHORUS
C G F
I have waited with the patience of saint
C G F
For my enlightenment
C G F
When will my sun and standards come
C G F
My internal revolution

VERSE
Wild wind from the sea
Blow through me
Right through me

Anger in my heart
Though seas too part
A new start

All the worries that seal my fate
Mediate
Mediate

Gym card in my bag
I’ve been bad
I’ve been had

CHORUS
I’d have made so much with the patient of saints
More than those simple saints
Soon my rage and hunger will come
My internal revolution

The art of conversation

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VERSE
D
It's come to my attention
C G
That you don't have much to say

You do your fair share of talking
But the words get in the way

Why start with the weather?
I've a window and an eye to see

From your glare I need sunglasses
Your splutters feel like rain on me

CHORUS
D G
The art of conversation
Em D/F# C
We'll cast on a critical eye

D G
The art of conversation
Em D/F# G
We'll further its further decline

VERSE
Where are you from? What are you doing here?
Where are you going to?

I made a T-shirt with answers
That wore out before it was due

You're getting your news from FAQs
I've lost the will to pretend

One man's pleasure is another man's pain
All good things must end

CHORUS

VERSE
When I talk you're not listening
Just waiting for your turn to speak

This exchange of information
Is a veil for discussing yourself

It's my fault for not knowing you
Will you fax over your CV?

When I've read it thoroughly
We can discuss you properly

SILENCE

If silence is olden I'm holding
The beautiful, beautiful golden

How do you do?
Fine 'til I met you

Song to Woody

C ; G
I feel like I’m lost miles from home
F ; G
Down a road where no wiser men have gone
C ; G
I’d entered the cinema with hopes running high
F ; G
Pushed by reviews that I now know are lies

Hey, hey Woody Allen I wrote you a song
A protest to arms at the thing that you done
What where you drinking? What on earth were you thinking?
Were you thinking at all?

For two hours we cringed at this thing on the screen
We stifled the yawns, bit back the screams
The script was a sham the acting was hammed
The casting was done by IKEA

Hey hey Woody Allen I beg you to stop
Think of your legacy and the great films ya got
‘Cause if I have another experience like that
I’m go to the bathroom and I ain’t comin back

And when I’m in hell, I can choose my prize
Ten minutes of Match Point or pull out my eyes
I’ll be reaching for the white-hot tongs

Hey, hey Woody Allen I wrote you a song
Please please please don’t go on

Nothing comes from everything

VERSE 1
Am
I could stop on this day
But I’d start again tomorrow
Em
I could learn on this day
But it’s so much time to sacrifice
Am
I could speak on this day
But I've nothing very nice to say
Em
And eventually
Am
Everything ends in the sea

BRIDGE (same chords)
Well I’ve marked every card
And got caught every hand
Risked all I have
And lost it far too many times
I drank every drink
And got drunk on regret
But forgot what I was looking for
On the bar room floor

CHORUS
C
To know that nothing comes from everything
G
There’s no point in doing anything
D
Is to know freedom

And all shit turns to dust or mud
Our efforts end regardless of
The weight we lay

In this futile game of lose and take
All we lose is all we make
Everybody sighs
Before they die

VERSE
I could write on this day
But what's out there can't be changed
I could dance on this day
But I have no joy to celebrate
I could love on this day
But I know it won't be returned to me
And eventually
Everything ends in the sea

BRIDGE
I've crossed every river
And I burnt every bridge
Broken every promise
And told every blatant lie
Hurt every friend
And cheated every trusting stranger
Then forgot what I was looking for
On the bar room floor

CHORUS

MIDDLE
Am C
There are many reasons
Em F
For standing still

And thinking of them
I do and I will

CHORUS

Domestic bliss

VERSE 1
Em D
Mornings in a foreign home
C G
Sing to start the day
Em D
In a friend of friend's apartment
C G
While they're away

Domestic bliss
Don’t get better than this
None of the long lists
I’ve been meaning to do

I don’t look to alter
Nothing’s out of place
It’s an enforced holiday
For a mind like my mine

CHORUS 1
C
She makes a cup of coffee
Am G
With love and care
C
Then pours it for me
Am G
Warm and milky

She draws a picture of me
A likeness she says
I defensively cry
Big head big ideas, dear
Am G
Big head big ideas

VERSE 2
The arrangement of the furniture
The absence of TV
Sets our mind to thinking
Of how we should be

Reading their possessions
Imagining how they are
Two lives come together
What’s his and what’s hers?

His vinyl piles
And the books on birds
While the mural in the bathroom
Speaks a woman’s words

CHORUS

MIDDLE

It’s easy to make friends

When you’ve a dog or a guitar

I prefer the latter

It can wait in cars

VERSE 3
Candles burnt down
We will replace
The gas from the long baths
We trust to the faith

That we will offer them our place
When they come to our town
And we will leave them alone
Let them snoop around

CHORUS

Mother feeder and the homecoming kid

VERSE 1
C
Youre looking so low without energy
Am
Not up and about like you used to be
G C
Its calories, youre burning up more than you get

Whatever you want Ill go and fetch you
Dont be moving round til youre feeling better
You would if I letchya, but a growing boys got to feed

Driving through town for the biggest deals
Pickinâ€™ up all of your favourite meals
Love on wheels, mama knows what you need

CHORUS
C Am
McDonalds will solve your problems
F G
Taco Bell will make it all ok
C Am
Kentucky Fried Chicken will give you what your missing
F G
Dominoes will take the pain away

VERSE 2
Start with fried breakfast and a bag of granola
Wash it down with Gatorade and Coca Cola
Food for the soul yeah, setting you up for the day

Then I take a break with the takeaways
Its gotta be fast with what the pension pays,
Whatd your Dad say? Gotta keep the hunger at bayâ€

Finish up the day with a nice surprise
The biggest burger in town with extra fries
Yeah well supersize, tomorrow's another busy day

CHORUS

LEAD BREAK

VERSE 3
You've got the easy life now no stressing for big scores
You never liked homework or doing those house chores
Now you'd pop all your bed sores, mama will put on the cream

It was a terrible day when she went off with your brother
A blow to your back but she didn't love ya
So you come home to mother, now I'm really all that you need

None of your so-called friends come to visit no more
I keep the phone of the hook, do not disturb on the door
Forget the damn whore, now it's just you and me

CHORUS x2

Rise of the renunciator

VERSE 1
C
I’ve got so much stuff
That I don’t want
Am
It’s destroying my life
I’m surrounded by junk
D
But I always need what I don’t have
G
And I’m buggered if I
Can throw them away

Some of it might something
Gonna put it on ebay
Got to arrange it nicely
Take a photo
But I can’t my camera
It’s in a draw somewhere
I need to sell stuff so I can find it

I don’t know how it started
I’ve had it since I was a kid
From stamp collections
To cigarette cards
Pretty bottles
To fossil shards
I even wrote down the number plates
Of the cars in our street
So I could spot them on the motorway

F
I never grew out of it like the other boys
G
I just moved on, to bigger toys

CHORUS
I’m a collector you see
Of objects and things
Things I don’t really need
Things that just slow me down

I’ve got to learn to say
No no no no no no no
No no no no no no no
Thanks for the offer
But I’ve already got another
Even though that one is a very nice color
(Maybe I could…)

No no no no no no no
No no no no no no no
When am I ever going to be able to stop?
Why do they always make it look so good in the shop?

VERSE 2
I just moved into a new flat
Took me 4 trips in a van
And I swore throughout the nightmare
I’d sort it out when I was there
But instead I just bought draws and cupboards
And doubled my problem
Now I can’t even get back to square one

It was lovely and spacious when I moved in
But I filled it with tables and chairs for dinner parties
Now there isn’t space to have many people over at all
There’s just too much furniture
F
I divide my time between the chairs
G
I’m trying to spread the wear

VERSE 3
I think I’ve found a solution
A really great idea
That will solve my problem forever
Get me out of here
I’m going to give it all away
Not have a home
Be a truly of me

I’ll spend my days on buses
Just riding around
Soaking up the atmosphere
Of this interesting town
I’ll flit from friend to friend
Commandering their couches
Until they want to watch TV

Then I wouldn’t be able
To have much stuff at all
Only what I could carry
Which isn’t much
Cos I’m not very strong
And I’d have a bad back from sleeping on couches

When I run out of friends
I’ll go the YMCA
I’ve heard that even the private suites
Are very very small
And I’d probably get robbed
Which would make decisions easier
Who knows
One day
I might just have
The clothes I’m wearing

CHORUS
Then it’s be easy to say
No no no no no no no
No no no no no no no
Don’t give it to me, I’ve nowhere to put it
I’ve no use for your materialistic society

No no no no no no no
No no no no no no no
I’d rather have the space
Than something, to put in its place

When I think of all I’ve spent
If I could cash it all back in
I’d be a rich man, and a happy man
And a man with space

All I want is space
Space
Space
Space my dear
My greatest fear

Thursday, 13 March 2008

Sleep

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VERSE
D ;Bm7
I’ve been up for days
And I can’t feel my face
Everything hurts
I’m in so much pain

CHORUS
I only want to lie still
And never move again
Still I’m too tired to sleep

VERSE
There’s a spot on the wall
I haven’t noticed before
It’s in the shape of Australia
Where I’ll never go

CHORUS
Because I only want to lay here
And never move again
Because I’m too tired to sleep

SOLO

VERSE
Every book’s been read
All the hills have flags now
Everything’s been said

CHORUS
And I just want to lie here
And never move again
Because I’m too tired to sleep
I’m too tired to sleep
I’m too tired to sleep
I’m too tired to sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep

Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Tell him if you see him tonight

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VERSE 1
C
Well it seems so long since I saw you last
C/F C
Even though I count the days
C
There's not much else to do here
C/B C
Nothing much has changed

C
Everything's just like you left it
C/F C
I haven't touched a thing
Am
I hope this letter finds you well
G
I miss you so much

CHORUS
C ; ; Am
Tell him if you see him tonight
F
Tell him that I'm alright
C
Everything's ok

VERSE 2
Please try to send the season's cards
They're when I miss you most
I hope you get our birthday cards
We always drink a toast

I know you're very busy
And it's hard to find the time
But a telephone call wouldn't take that long
And it would mean the world

CHORUS
Tell him if you see him tonight
Tell me that he's alright
That everything's ok

SOLO

VERSE 3
Darling I'm so proud of you
And everything you do
You give up so much
Spending so much time away

CHORUS

CHORUS

Every day's a joy

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VERSE 1:
F#m
My alarm clock is sweet music to my ears
A cold shower's the perfect way to start the day
Bm
The late train is a welcome surprise
C#m Bm F#m
Every day's a joy

The customers are my intellectual equal
My colleagues are also my best friends
My boss is the embodiment of love
Every day's a joy
E
That I'm employed

CHORUS:
A
But what really makes my day
C#m
Makes the hours melt away
D
Is the variety
E
The unpredictability

Living life with constant change
No two days are ever the same
Running free
On my own spontaneity

A C#m Bm

VERSE:
The coffee always tastes divine
Meetings are a productive use of my boundless time
The girl in accounts keeps noticing me
Every day's a joy

My salary is overly generous
The targets are to easily achieved
I get too many holidays a year
Every day's a joy
That I'm employed

CHORUS

MIDDLE:
Now what s hall I do in the evening
When the energy is coursing through my veins
Maybe I'll just watch a bit of TV
I really find is highly stimulates me
And I can always change the channel

CHORUS

I do for you

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G Em G Em G

VERSE 1:

Em

I was marching to the rhythm of the rhetoric

G

Before I even learned how to walk

Em

And I was reciting the rules of far superior fools

G

Since I was old enough to talk

CHORUS:

Em

And they always see the negative side

G

And they always seek to criticise

Em

Out of date, in a state, everything I love to hate

C/G D/A

Still all the things I do

G

I do them for you

VERSE 2:

I’ll do everything that I can do

To pay back the things that you’ve done for me

But my life is my life

And I’ll be making my mistakes for me

CHORUS

Don’t be always putting me down

And not always stirring the ground

Immature, insecure, I wondered what I bothered for,

Still all the things I do

I do them for you

OUTRO:

All the things I do, I do them for y

Time to move on

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Key: A (Capo at 2nd fret)

VERSE:
G D G D
Going around in social circles
I recognise faces on the street
I know every corner of my apartment
Nothing feels new to me

CHORUS:
C G D
I’ve been living here for too long
It’s time that I was moving on

VERSE:
They’ll take a train to catch a plane
To start her life over again
While I know the view from every window
Nothing feels new to me

CHORUS:
And I’ve thought these thoughts before
I don’t want them anymore

MIDDLE:
F C G x 8
And when I get that burning fever down inside of me
And I get that boring, gnawing in my bones
I’ll get an American accent and all emotional
When I run out of clichés I know it’s time to go
It’s time to move on it’s time to move on it’s time to move on
It’s time to move on it’s time to move on it’s time to move on
Riding alone
Rolling the stone

D F C
G C x2

I went into a cafe for a coffee
Place I've been many times before
The waitress already knows my order
I have to walk out the door

Practical man

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VERSE:
Bm
I wish that I was out at sea, on a boat – only me
Bm7
Waves crashin’ all around, drowning every sound

I wish that I was up in space, preserving the human race
With acts of depravity, that you can’t do in gravity

F#
But they’d never pick me
E
I’m just too repressed you see

CHORUS:
G
Always standing on the land
A
With my head down in my hands
D ; E
I’m a practical man
G
Never staying out late at night
A
Never getting in a fight
D ; E
I’m a practical man
G ;F#
A boring man, all I am

VERSE:
I wish that I could drift on drugs
Or find myself in a whiskey jug
I’d lie on the floor of my flat for days
In an alcoholic haze

I wish that I could take a trip
Down into my sub consciousness
I’d take a torch, follow the chains
Shine a light on the things that hold me down
Take a real good look around

CHORUS

D ;E
Practical man X2

G F# B

City life

CITY LIFE
By Jack Stafford

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A# Dm D# F
First day in the city and the country boy’s ready to play
It’s a blur of funny flashing faces and he knows he’s gonna stay
Running around with the energy that you only have when you’re young
And he’s smiled at by the older hands too aware of what he’ll become
After all day in the office it’s all night in the bar
And after 10 pints of lager his boss says son your going to go far, would you like a car? He says “Man I love city life”

“I love the hassle of the hustle and the bustle everyday
Survival of the fittest, natural selection that’s the way
Man life is short but days are long and waste is my only dread
Got to live for the moment they’ll be quiet times ahead
I can sleep when I’m dead” Man he loves his city life

10 years on and most have gone but our boy’s hanging in
The work is taking over, it’s a competition he has to win
Spends all his time earning money that he’ll spend on buying back time
But barely has the sense to save for an annual escape
A specialised professional he delegates his life
A nanny for the children, a gardener for the wife, his trouble and strife, Living out his vicarious life.

Among so many yet so few he counts as friends
The more he meets the less he greets and so the spiral descends
He’s moved out of the city and only comes in to trade his stock
Commutes in a compartment to his cubicle in a block
His day is watching numbers on a blindly blinking screen
Then he comes home to another and a night of TV dreams, and a wife that screams “You only love your city life”

Finally the city’s spat him out a humble 65,
Exhausted he just sits at home as a man he doesn’t recognise,
I stopped him in the street one day and I asked him what he’d done
He said “I lived fast and I lived it young and I had a lot of fun
I bought and sold a lot of things, and I stood pretty tall
But if you measure a man by what he leaves behind then it’s hard to tell that I was here at all, “But son I loved a city life”
Man that city life, man that city life, man that city life took it’s toll x2